Desire Discrepancy Therapist in Venice

Bridge the Gap. Reignite Connection. Honor Both of Your Needs.

In sex therapy, we will explore:

    •    Understanding the psychological roots of desire

    •    Distinguishing between responsive vs. spontaneous desire

    •    Addressing shame, anxiety, or pressure around sex

    •    Rebuilding intimacy after conflict, trauma, or avoidance

    •    Navigating rejection without resentment

    •    Expanding your definition of connection and pleasure

    •    Improving communication about sex and emotions

    •    Creating a sex life that reflects both partners’ value

It’s common—and completely normal—for couples to experience mismatched sexual desire. One partner may crave more intimacy, while the other feels overwhelmed, disinterested, or disconnected. Over time, this “desire gap” can create tension, frustration, hurt feelings, or even shame. But it doesn’t mean your relationship is broken—it means your desire styles need care, curiosity, and communication.

As a licensed psychotherapist and former medical doctor, I help couples navigate desire discrepancy with compassion and clarity. Instead of assigning blame, we explore what’s underneath the difference in libido—and how to create a more satisfying, emotionally connected sexual relationship for both partners.

Desire is fluid, complex, and deeply personal. Therapy can help you meet each other in the middle—not with compromise, but with connection.

Let’s help you move from feeling mismatched to feeling understood, desired, and emotionally safe—together.

I provide therapy in Beverly Hills, Brentwood, Venice, Marina Del Rey, Culver City, Mar Vista, Playa Del Rey, West Los Angeles, Pacific Palisades, Palms, and Santa Monica.

When couples struggle with mismatched sexual desire, a Desire Discrepancy Therapist can offer clear support and resolution. This issue is more common than most people think. One partner might want intimacy more often, while the other feels pressured, uncomfortable, or disconnected. Left unaddressed, desire differences can lead to resentment, emotional distance, and breakdowns in communication.

At Steven Kilmann, LMFT, we help couples identify the core causes of desire discrepancy and rebuild a connection that respects both partners’ needs. This page answers key questions about how Desire Discrepancy Therapy works and what you can expect if you’re seeking a Desire Discrepancy Therapist in Venice Beach or surrounding areas.

What Is Desire Discrepancy?

Desire discrepancy refers to a mismatch in how often two people in a relationship want sexual intimacy.

This difference can happen in:

  • Frequency of sexual activity

  • Level of interest or enthusiasm

  • Need for emotional closeness before intimacy

  • Desire for different types of sexual experiences

While it’s normal for desire to ebb and flow, an ongoing mismatch can create deep emotional strain if not openly addressed.

Signs You May Need Desire Discrepancy Therapy

If any of the following feel familiar, working with a Desire Discrepancy Therapist, Venice clients trust may be the right step:

  1. You feel rejected or undesired by your partner.

  2. You argue or avoid the topic of sex.

  3. Your partner seems distant or pressured.

  4. Sex feels like a chore or a source of conflict.

  5. There’s been a loss of emotional or physical connection.

What Causes Desire Discrepancy?

There is no single cause for mismatched desire. A skilled Desire Discrepancy Therapist in Venice Beach will explore many contributing factors, including:

  • Hormonal changes

  • Medical or mental health conditions

  • Trauma or past sexual experiences

  • Parenting stress

  • Work fatigue or lifestyle mismatch

  • Emotional disconnect

  • Unspoken resentment or unmet needs

Each couple’s dynamic is unique. Therapy helps uncover what’s going on beneath the surface.

How Therapy Works at Steven Kilmann, LMFT

We provide Desire Discrepancy Therapy in Venice Beach that is focused, goal-oriented, and empathetic.

Here’s what therapy typically involves:

  • Intake and Relationship History
     We begin by understanding your relationship timeline, communication patterns, and how desire has shifted over time.

  • Identifying Root Issues
     This phase includes individual and joint sessions. We explore possible contributing factors such as anxiety, performance pressure, or feelings of emotional neglect.

  • Developing Communication Tools
     You’ll learn how to express your needs without blame, listen to your partner with empathy, and find shared language around intimacy.

  • Setting Sexual and Emotional Goals
     Together, we create realistic goals that honor both partners. These goals may include scheduling connection time, exploring new experiences, or redefining what intimacy looks like for your relationship.

  • Ongoing Support and Adjustments
     Desire isn’t static. We track progress and adjust the process as needed. Couples are empowered to create a rhythm that works for them.

Why Choose Steven Kilmann, LMFT?

Steven brings over 20 years of clinical experience to every session, combining empathy with evidence-based techniques. His approach to Desire Discrepancy Therapy, which Venice couples prefer, is deeply rooted in honest communication, mutual respect, and practical strategies that work.

He understands that talking about sex can be difficult. But in a safe, judgment-free space, couples begin to reconnect—not just physically, but emotionally.

What Results Can You Expect?

Clients often share that therapy helped them:

  • Feel seen and understood

  • Regain mutual respect and affection

  • Stop the cycle of guilt or blame

  • Increase physical and emotional intimacy

  • Improve confidence and satisfaction

These results don’t come from forcing one person to change. They emerge through collaboration and respect.

Real-World Support for Local Clients

If you’re searching for a Desire Discrepancy Therapist Venice locals recommend, working with someone who understands the culture and pace of Venice Beach matters. Steven is part of this community and offers therapy that respects your lifestyle, values, and relationship goals.

Couples also often benefit from exploring topics like porn addiction, grief, or concierge therapy, which can influence desire and emotional availability. These topics are covered in other services offered at Steven’s practice and can be integrated into your sessions if helpful.

Explore more on porn addiction therapy and grief therapy if those apply to your situation.

Getting Started

You don’t need to settle for silence, tension, or emotional distance. Help is available. A conversation with a Desire Discrepancy Therapist in Venice Beach can open new doors for intimacy, peace, and mutual understanding.

To schedule a consultation with Steven Kilmann, LMFT, reach out through our secure contact form or call the office directly. Flexible session options are available, including in-person and teletherapy.